Loosen up your death grip a little...

Loosen up your death grip a little... | freshbysian.com

It’s story time fam.

For almost the last 3 years, I’ve been trying to get permanent residency in Canada. Don’t worry, I ain’t gonna bore you with the details, but I will say that I should be a fucking olympic gymnast by now considering my ability to jump through hoops at a moments notice (despite my reasonable amount of hate for gymnastics and basically all sports when I was younger, ha).

The thing with this whole process though… Is that it feels like a rollercoaster ride that I basically have no control over.

I know I want this. I know Canada is my place… And I know I’ll get there sooner or later. I’ve been holding on so damn tight to this idea of living there and it being my second home, but at the end of the day I gotta loosen my grip on that shit… Because after a while your hands get sore, duh.

The funny thing is, a couple months back, right around the time I felt as though I was able to truly ‘let go’, I got to the second stage of this application process (something I’ve been waiting 2.5 years for). At the time, I was living in Queenstown, New Zealand, and it finally dawned on me that I was okay being right there. I wasn’t wishing I was somewhere else. I was just so damn happy to be there, living in the mountains in my home country. So yeah, I just… let go.

A few days later after I had this little revelation and moment of ‘letting go’, I woke up and spent at least 30 mins aimlessly browsing shit on my phone before ‘quickly checking my emails’. I noticed I had an email from Canadian Immigration and that I had to go login to my account to see the full message. So I basically throw my phone to the other side of the room, grab my laptop so fast you’d think my fucking house was about to be flooded in 5 seconds flat, finally login to my account after attempting (and failing) to calm myself down and stop my hands shaking, and I see that I got to the next stage of the application process and that I had 90 days to get everything together to submit my full application.


You hold on so tight to these ideas and dreams and visions for your life, but it’s only when you start to let go that you see the full picture and things start to fall together how they’re meant to.


Since I first wrote this piece I've had even more back and forward with the whole residency application process, and I've contemplated re-doing this email or just writing about something completely different, but then I figured... Fuck it. It's the story, and the message still rings true... 

If there’s something you’re holding onto with a death grip, try loosening it up a little and see what happens.

Yours in holding on and letting go,

Yours in holding on and letting go,

Sian